I feel...in my heart of hearts
that this pain might never seize.
It belongs to me as a birth right given or some days, cursed with.


This ache at the center of my core
could this actually be a deeper yearning?
an inward cry
the type that keeps you seeking and searching
for better? for worst?
What am I searching for?


If I can see it as as a (yearning)
Then this depression might not actually win
Then this depression would soon realize
That all it's tactics... are in vain.


Can I remind you
Remind IT
Who I am
Can you just see
The many trophies of wars I have won
How many scars bring proof of the stories I'll tell


Depression thinks he could actually win
It leaves a foot-mark and thinks this is conquered territory.


Do you know who goes before me?
Must I speak of the higher power that fights for me?


To seize to the power of the struggle
is to seize to a false doctrine
a down right lie.


How can my soul stop yearning?
This body, soul, and spirit
Tho at times feel like each are up against me


This sacred trio
This fragility called life
Sometimes I am for them, with them, on their side
Others, I'm the arch-enemy standing in between myself and my self-sanity.


At times it seems like ´´crazy´´is the only fitting description
(fill in the blank yourself) ______________ is the problem with me
Others it feels like ´´surrender´´ is the solution


If you ask me, I don´t know now
and I believe, I might not ever know the answer to this NEVER ENDING QUESTION


But one thing I do know is...
I could either loose myself in search of this precious answer...
Or trust that He has it.


Both require patience
Both require faith
To trust in something bigger
To allow yourself to dream again.


He says: with faith the size of a mustard seed.
thank God, because right now, that´s all I have.