"Mom is actually going to kill us."

"It'll be fine. You need to calm down for a moment. Your genius sister is here so no need to worry."

"Claire, that literally does the exact opposite of reassuring me. Mom specifically told us not to touch the ping pong table. Or the ping pong balls. Specifically. Specifically I tell you. We have guests over tonight. Claire."

"If mom indeed does kill us, we are spared from entertaining the guests. In ping pong. God, you, I, and everyone on this street knows there's no greater blessing."

"What if she kills us in front of the guests? After we explain why they can't play ping pong?" Thomas' voice starts to pique. "You know mom. I know mom."

"Then we die." Claire's voice very clearly indicates that this would ultimately be the final outcome. "And are spared from playing ping pong with mom's friends. Afterlife doesn't sound too bad, now does it?"

She continues, "But we should still try to get the ping pong ball out of the drainage pipe."

"I thought you just accepted your death at mom's hands."

"Doesn't mean I welcome it."

Idea 1:
Put your arm in the pipe and grab the ping pong ball.

"Claire, just move your hand around a little. It'll be fine."

"Shut up for a minute, will you. This is disgusting." A pause. "I think I got it."

Claire shrieks and pulls her hand along with half the leaves that were once on the tree out of the pipe. "I felt something slimy move up my arm. Up my arm."

"Alright almighty genius sister, is it my turn to think of ideas yet?"

Idea 2:
Use a broomstick to loosen the ping pong ball.

"Thomas, mom's going to see the broomstick missing. And when, if, we return it, she'll see that it's covered in drainage gunk. Or see it missing entirely. Which scenario leads to the least painful death is starting to become a very relevant question."

"So mom's going to kill us over the ping pong ball or the broom."

"Pretty much."

Thomas hits Claire's head with the broomstick. "Y'know, mom's not actually going to kill us."

"Oh I'm sorry. Who was worried about it in the first place?"

He puts the broom up the pipe. "Why did we think this was a good idea in the first place?"

"This is literally your idea? Operation ‘Brooms clean the floor so they must be able to clean anything?'"

"No, why did we think that using a leaf blower to propel the ball up was a good idea? That was your idea, by the way. Don't try to pin this on me."

Claire sits down. Far, far away from the drainage pipe and the Mystery Slime. "Well we thought it would be cool to propel the ping pong ball up the pipe from the bottom and have it shoot out the top."

"It would've been cool. If this didn't happen." He squints at the drainage pipe. "Wait. Wait, I think I feel the ping pong ball. It's surrounded by all this other stuff though. I can't loosen it. I think it really is stuck."

"Ok, if it wasn't really stuck we wouldn't be here right now."

Idea 3:
Use a leaf blower from the top to blow the ping pong ball out through the bottom.

Thomas looks at the drainage pipe. He turns to look at his sister. Then he turns to look at the drainage pipe again. "Okay, okay. You'll climb up to the roof and point the leaf blower at the pipe. What do I do?"

"You shake the pipe from the ground."

"What if the pipe comes loose? Then we'll be in for it for sure."

"Or it could loosen the ping pong ball. And solve this entire problem. And we won't ‘be in for it for sure'."

Claire climbs up the tree near the house to get onto the roof. Thomas hands her the leaf blower.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

A minute passes. A minute passes again. A minute passes ten times. Again.

"Claire, this isn't going anywhere. All we've got is a bunch of leaves. Go convince mom to play ping pong with these and I'll plan your funeral, free of charge!"

"I mean, at least it lives up to the job. Leaf blower. Blows leaves."

"Wow, I would've never imagined."

"Shut up! What's your idea then?"

Idea 4:
Just tell mom what happened.

"No."

Idea 5:
Use a vacuum to suck out the ping pong ball out.

"Delta One to Blue Bear. I got the vacuum cleaner out of the house without Desk Chair noticing. Step one is a success. Over"

Thomas takes Claire's walkie-talkie out of her hand. "Are we actually going to do this? Honestly it sounds like a dumb plan. We'll have to explain why there are leaves in the vacuum cleaner. Again, free funeral planning's still out for grabs."

"I have a great idea!" Thomas is certain Claire absolutely does not ‘have a great idea.' "Blue Bear, you can be the one who takes it back in then! Your plan, your execution, right? Just be sure to avoid mom~"

He could hear the tilde.

Idea 6:
Hide the ping pong table so the guests will be worried about the table instead of the ball.

"Isn't it kind of dumb that we only have one ping pong ball in the entire house," Claire asks while sifting through a box of ping pong paddles.

"We lost the other ones, remember. And mom told us not to lose this one so we can still play ping pong."

"Maybe we're the dumb ones then."

"We're definitely the dumb ones, what are you talking about."

"Alright, we'll just move the ping pong table into my room. And I'll pile a ton of books onto it so mom'll think it's important to my learning. Or something. Or another. I'll put a tablecloth over it too." She carries it over her shoulder.

"Wait, how are we supposed to get it up the stairs? The table's too wide."

"New plan then."

Idea 7:
Catch a squirrel and force it up the drainage pipe, then block out the bottom.

"That's called animal abuse. I'm not doing that to a squirrel. And how were we supposed to catch a squirrel anyways?"

Idea 7.1:
Use a remote control car and drive it through the drainage pipe.

"Okay, I got a toy car. How are we going to steer it up?"

Idea 7.1.1:
Undo the metal supports that hold the pipe to the side of the house and drive a remote control car through it.

"If this doesn't work we are officially dead."

"You literally said mom won't actually kill us."

"I was trying to be optimistic."

"Ok I just pulled all the supports off the pipe. Can we do the fun stuff now? The part where everything goes wrong and we're stuck with telling mom that we messed up terribly?" She's this close, this close, to sticking the screwdriver in her eye.

"Claire, this was your idea."

"The remote control car was your idea, Thomas!"

"I didn't think we were actually giving serious ideas!"

Three instruction manuals and many, many internet searches later, the car is finally up and working.

"Just move the car forward!"

"What do you think I'm doing!"

A moment passes. Many moments also pass. "Crap"

"Is the car stuck?"

"Hopefully not. It doesn't matter. This isn't working anyways. I'll just put the car in reverse."

"Can this car even reverse?"

"Man, I sure hope so."

Idea 8:
Go to the local supermarket and buy ping pong balls.

"Do you think anyone will realize we took the drainage pipe down and put it back up?"

"If they do, we can blame it on squirrels or something."

"Why do you hate squirrels so much?"

Thirty minutes later, the ping pong balls are acquired as well as multiple apology cards, just in case.

"Mom, when are the guests coming?"

"In thirty minutes. Why, want to talk to them?"

"Do we have to watch you guys play ping pong?" Too direct. Avert. Avert! "Scratch that, do we have to watch you guys play checkers? Checkers is worse than ping pong. By a long shot."

"This is a dinner for my client, Claire. A formal dinner. In which you and your brother dress formally. And partake in formal activities."

"So no ping pong."

"No ping pong"

Thomas lays on top of the roof.

"Everything was for naught then. And in vain."

"Don't be so dramatic. We can still pretend we found all the ping pong balls we lost. Miraculously."

"Or something."

"Yeah, or something."