Fiction, Comedy
1 min
POV of a Crow
Kelly Ta
The crows have been deserving of the picnic for twenty-three minutes straight. They came to one unanimous conclusion.
"Idiots," crowed the first crow.
"Spectacular idiots," agreed the second.
Below them, three humans sat on a striped blanket with a glorious spread of food around them: sandwiches, strawberries, cookies, chips, and a container of something that smelled like chicken.
The crows were trying very hard not to stare.
The humans, meanwhile, were arguing.
"You never told me that!" the one in red exclaimed.
The first crow tilted his head.
"Ah. We're starting with the classic."
"The classic?"
"'You never told me that.' Humans say it when they have, in fact, been told that."
Below, the second human nearly choked.
"I literally texted you!"
"There are twelve thousand texts on my phone!"
The crows exchanged a look. If they had eyebrows, they would have arched one of them.
"Twelve thousand?" echoed the first.
"How are they still alive?"
"No clue."
The third human, who had wisely been eating chips during the argument, pointed at the red-shirted one.
"She even reacted with a thumbs-up!"
The red-shirted human froze.
"Oh."
A pause.
The crows perked up hopefully. Perhaps the conflict would end.
Instead, the human said, "Well, that's not the point."
Both crows groaned.
"Oh, we're in that stage now," muttered the first.
The second shuddered.
"The stage where being wrong somehow creates a brand-new argument?"
"Exactly."
The humans continued talking. Faster now. Louder.
The chicken sat untouched.
The cookies sat untouched.
The sandwiches sat untouched.
The crows were beginning to take this personally.
"You know," said the first crow, "if someone placed a feast in front of crows, we would not spend half an hour discussing our feelings."
"Of course not."
"We would eat."
"Like civilized creatures."
A strawberry rolled off the blanket.
Neither human noticed.
The crows stared at it.
Then at each other.
Then back at the humans.
The first crow sighed.
"Do you ever think we're the smart species?"
The second crow watched as one human pulled out their phone to search for evidence of something that had happened six months ago.
"Yes," he said. "Almost constantly."
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