every day 
the news plays like a warning 
i scroll past 
 
headlines stacking 
like they're trying to tell me something 
i don't want to hear yet 
 
war 
but quiet enough 
to still go to brunch 
 
crisis 
but distant enough 
to keep contributing to my 401k 
 
they told me 
this is what wisdom looks like 
 
save 
build 
be patient 
prepare for a rainy day 
 
but what if 
this is the rain 
 
what if the storm 
isn't coming 
but already here 
just soft enough 
to ignore 
 
i keep thinking about the future 
like it's a place i'm guaranteed to arrive at 
 
like i'll make it there 
in one piece 
with enough saved 
to finally exhale 
 
but what if i don't 
 
what if i spend my whole life 
preparing to live 
and never actually do 
 
... 
 
i imagine us later 
looking back 
 
cities quieter 
not peaceful 
just empty 
 
skies different 
like the color got pulled out of them 
 
and all of us 
with money saved 
for a world 
we can't recognize 
 
saying things like 
we thought we had time 
 
we thought it would wait 
 
we thought 
following the rules 
would keep us safe 
 
... 
 
and i'm here now 
caught in it 
 
between preparing 
and just being 
 
between saving 
and spending 
 
between discipline 
and desire 
 
trying to decide 
what survival actually means 
 
because patience 
might build a future 
 
but it might also 
steal a life 
 
and i don't know 
which one i'm choosing 
every time i say 
not yet