When You Grew Up

Millie Matyjasik

Millie Matyjasik

When you grew up  
Did you notice when your mother picked you up and held you close to her beating heart for the last time Did you notice when you jumped in the pool trying to make the biggest splash, without worrying about how your makeup or hair looked for the last time  
Did you notice when you pretended to be asleep in the car just so you could be carried inside by your dad for the last time  
Do you remember when the most pain you felt was from skinning your knee?  
When the worst thing boys could give you was cooties?  
and when "war" was a only card game you played with your cousins?  
Because when you were five, the scariest thing was kindergarten and deciding who to play "family" with during recess  
Because when you were eight, the scariest thing was the monster under your bed and your parents leaving you  
Because when you were ten, you thought those fears were babyish, and started admiring those teenagers for their phones and makeup  
Because when you were thirteen, everyone would ask you what it was like to finally be a teenager which would make you forget you're still a child.  
And now you're almost sixteen.  
What a milestone, right?  
But is it really?  
Because now you're in high school and high school is scary but you don't say that because that's immature.  
When whispered rumors blow around the school like wind, our words become weapons.  
Aimed at our closest friends by just saying, she said this he did that they're together now she dumped him  
How can one sentence change a life?  
And now you care more about what other people think more than you care about your heart  
But now your heart's been broken by some boy who never liked you for you but for who the world wants you to be Is this what out parents meant when they said  
You'll get used to it?  
And to think that we couldn't wait to grow up 
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