I stopped breathing when I saw the name on my phone. "Hello?" My voice sort of croaked. I picked it up without thinking. I should've taken a moment to collect myself. 

"Hey," she paused, probably preparing whatever emotional bomb she was about to drop. "Are you on campus?" 

"Yes," I answered, curiously. I didn't want to push it. I was actually in the parking lot, about to go home, but I turned and started walking back. "Why?" I asked, after she didn't elaborate. 

"Can you meet me at the dining hall?" she asked. "In front of the side entrance?" 

"Okay, I'll be there in 10." 

My muscles seized, so I crossed my arms and slipped into a daydream. I thought about everything she might say, then my hypothetical responses to those things, and then her responses to those things. There's really no way to prepare for meeting people like her, but I tried. I took a slight detour to a bathroom to fix my hair and makeup, making sure that the mascara looked a little apologetic. I tried to calm my breathing as I neared the hall, but it was futile as I caught her looking at me. I fixed my posture and marched forward.  

"Hey," I said. "How're you doing?" 

Her hair was finger-combed in the front, and the rest of it was tangled into a bun. The strings on her oversized sweatshirt were pulled so that the hood would scrunch around her neck. Her legs were crossed and squeezed together. She looked just as nervous as me, and completely disheveled, actually. A few of her friends were next to her, too. Their stuff was laid across the table, and their plates were empty. It seemed like they'd been there a while. 

She looked to a friend next to her before she finally answered, "Good, you?" One of them rubbed her shoulder, since she was apparently the victim of having spoken a few words to a devil like me. Her friends could be somewhat prejudiced against me, to say the least. I had to bite the urge to swat them off of her. 

"So," I said, glancing at the empty seat in front of her. "I'll.." 

"Yeah," she nodded, and I sat down. I noticed her scoot back a little as I did, which honestly stung. I wondered where my rub on the shoulder went. Anyway, I took her in a bit more. She really suited the disheveled look. Her forehead was moist. She'd been sweating, but she kept the hoodie on. She looked down. It seemed she wasn't prepared, which, the whole thing really was pretty random. She never called. 

"You need to know what you did. I need to tell you..." she trailed off. She leaned back and stared into nothing for a moment, and the same drama queen rubbed her shoulder again. Whatever. "I think I'll only be able to let you go if I tell you everything. If I let everything out." 

So, that's how it was going to go. I preemptively felt the pang in my heart. I didn't want to listen, but I was pretty sure this would end in reconciliation. She wanted to see me; she wanted to make a point. She leaned forward and spoke with conviction. She just wanted me to know she was serious. I tried my hardest to pay attention to whatever she was saying. 

"...I can't believe you overreacted like that after I set a simple boundary. I was trying my best, I just needed time." 

"I know, I know," I said. "I know exactly what you mean, and I agree. I'm honestly sorry." I wanted to take her hands in mine, but I didn't. "I'm medicated now," I said. "I'm medicated, and in therapy. I can't even comprehend what I was thinking back then. I'm so sorry. You don't have to explain. I know, and I'm so sorry." I pushed my luck. "I care about you." 

She looked down again. 

"I promise," I said. "If you got to know me again, you'd only recognize the good parts. I've honestly changed. If you give me another chance, I promise I'll make sure that everything I've done wrong becomes a distant memory. I'll never hurt you again." 

She inched forward, and I took another leap. I was scared and floating, like the first time we'd gotten together. I took a risk, and took her hand. "So.." 

She looked back at me, unsure of what to say. I didn't know what to say, either. I tried my hardest to think. I was hanging on by a thread, and I didn't know how long it'd hold. I had to think, fast. I scraped the deepest pits of my mind for what to say - something true enough to appear genuine, incomplete enough not to scare her off, vague enough so that she'd have to answer with more than a ‘yes' or ‘no,' but intriguing enough to warrant some thought.. 

Then, one of her idiot "friends" had to interject. "Stop. She's trying to manipulate you, again." It was hard, but I kept my composure as she loosened her grasp on my hand. I wanted to lean into her, pull her away, put her into my car. Her body was within my grasp. It took everything in me not to do something about that. I knew this was a delicate situation, though, and it had to be handled appropriately. 

"Hey," I said, getting her to look at me. She'd been staring at the floor again. She clearly didn't like the stupid interruption from her friend, but I decided that alienating them any more wouldn't be good for the situation. "I'm glad your friends are so protective of you. I'm glad you're surrounded by people who want the best for you." I inched my fingers towards hers again. "I hope you know that includes me. I want what's best for you too. You, your friends, and I all want the best for you, you know? We just disagree about what that is. And it seems like you're conflicted about it?" 

I leaned back a bit. "Maybe we could calmly talk things out. Figure out what the best course of action is, together," I said, addressing everybody else. 

She didn't disagree with me. They didn't like it, but I guessed they were at least decent enough not to completely steamroll her decisions. They didn't take their eyes off me, though. It kind of killed any buds of a romantic vibe, but I figured I could still manage. 

"I get it if you don't trust me," I said. "I'm just asking for a chance." 

She took a deep breath, and paused yet again. She really liked making me wait. "I really appreciate that," she said. "But I was serious. I can't keep in contact with you. It's not good for either of us." 

I clasped my hands together tightly, so that I wouldn't kill her. "I get that. I have a question for you, though." 

"Sure," she agreed. 

"Do you remember when we became girlfriends? The date?" 

She raised her eyebrows for a second and then scrunched them together. She didn't know. "It was around a week into the spring break, I don't.. I don't know, you know I have a terrible memory—" 

"So do I, but I know that it was March 6th. I made it a point to write it down and remember." 

"Look, I'm sorry, I just—" 

"Words don't mean anything," I said. "It's so easy to say things. You.. said so many things, but you never actually did anything for me." 

I could hear the threads between us snap. The tendons in my neck hurt, and something squeezed my voice box. I held myself. I thought I felt a rib break. 

"Maybe you think I'm too much, but you're too little," I said. "And that's being generous." Her jaw clenched. I watched her tear up, and I could tell she was more angry than hurt. I was losing my touch. "You're nothing. You literally have nothing to offer. Good luck finding someone who's finding who's okay with a girl who's a starfish in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally—" 

"Stop," interrupted Drama Queen. "I think we're done here." 

The ground cracked. I was about to lose everything. I could tell. She'd said everything she wanted to say, she looked more solemn than regretful, and my head throbbed. 

 

She opened her mouth a bit, maybe to say goodbye, and I couldn't let her finish. I released the tension from my head into my hand. She staggered back, grabbing her cheek. Our little audience stood up, and gripped the edges of the table as if it was the table that hit her. They looked like they wanted to kill me. She did too. There was nothing else to lose. I stepped forward and slapped her again. I cursed as I left.